Sand-witched

“Move over skinny jeans!” Mrs Wheeler yelled as she barged into my office and marched up to my desk. Normally I would have objected but today I was exhausted and I couldn’t find it in me to fight her so I stood. She walked over and sat then retrieved a sheet of paper from her bag and proceeded to make hundreds of copies. It was her Wednesday routine, using my office copier to make several copies of her Real Estate fliers. I’m surprised she’s stuck so long to that job, she was normally a drifter. In everything.

“You know this is my office right?” I said attempting a stern posture, arms crossed over my chest, lips set in a line and eyes narrowed.

“Yeah, so?” she challenged me, glaring at me with her hawk-like eyes. I have to give myself credit, I actually managed to glare back (for 5 seconds) before I backed down and turned away. I sighed and perched myself on a corner of the desk while she waved her hands around in some sort of victory dance.

“I never did compliment you Riley,” she said. I eyed her suspiciously. A compliment from Mrs Wheeler? Cakes would rain on the street.

“On what?” I asked her.

“You went from Fat-pants to Skinny-jeans. Quite the achievement! Next stop Mom-jeans! Am I right?” she chortled, hand raised for a high-five.

“Well lucky me, I didn’t have to get to Mom-jeans straight out of high school like some people,” I said pointedly. Her face turned red and she growled. I jumped off the desk before she could pounce on me and bumped into my new assistant Roger, who was just coming into my office with a cup and some files. The contents of the cup spilled but thankfully none got on me. Roger unfortunately, was not so lucky. Somehow, most of the tea had managed to land on his hair and he was now shaking it out. The way he looked now, he would put a wet cat to shame:

kitty giph

 

“I’m so sorry Miss Perrin,” he apologized wearing the look of a kicked puppy, “I’ll get you some more coffee.”

“Uhh, I’d actually asked for a latte,” I said and his eyes widened in panic.

“Well good thing you bathed in the coffee then,” Mrs Wheeler snickered from behind me.

“A latte? I am so sorry. Please don’t fire me!” he pleaded looking like he would actually cry.

“It’s okay Roger, don’t worry about it. Are those the files I asked for?”

“Yes. The Jameson case files,” he said handing them over to me.

“Uhmm,” I said hesitantly.

“These aren’t the files you asked for, are they?” Roger said sadly.

“Er, no,” I replied and his face fell. My heart went out to him.

“It’s okay Roger. You’ll get it right. Eventually,” I said with a forced smile.

“Or never,” Mrs Wheeler mumbled eyeing Roger with interest.

“If you could just get me the right files this time Roger, that’ll be great,” I said and he turned to leave. He turned back sheepishly a second later.

“Ehmm, what files were those again?” he asked. I mentally face-palmed whilst Mrs Wheeler roared with laughter.

“The Kaspena case. Do you want me to write it down for you?” I replied.

“No, no. I’ve got it, the Rowena case,” he said leaving hastily.

“No! Roger! It’s the Kaspena case! Kaspena, K-A-arghh forget it,” I shouted after him but he was long gone.

“Wow! He’s terrible,” Mrs Wheeler said punctuating her cackle with a spin in my chair.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” I sighed.

“Why don’t you just fire him? I fire my assistants all the time.”

“I want to. I’m just not evil enough to crush a person’s hopes and dreams by doing something so cold and heartless like you,” I said.

“Awww thank you,” Mrs Wheeler swooned.

“What am I going to do?” I asked holding my head in my hands.

“Maybe you’re giving him complicated instructions. Give him something simple to do,” Mrs Wheeler said. I jerked my head up in disbelief.

“I can’t believe you’re drunk at 10 a.m!” I said.

“Yeah well, it’s 10 p.m somewhere,” she retorted, “But liquor shenanigans aside, try going easy on him.”

“It doesn’t get any easier than that! How hard can it be to pull up a bunch of case files in a law office? Even you can do it and you’re forty-” The look she gave me when I almost mentioned her real age made me swallow my words.

“I’m just saying working in a law office is easy,” I amended.

“Says the girl who had to take the bar five times to get here,” she mocked.

“Three! And the second time I didn’t take it at all,” I protested.

“Yeah sure you didn’t. I’m just saying ask him to do something simple and non-law related and if he gets it right then he’s not completely useless and all he just needs is a little more training in being an assistant.”

I was about to argue when Roger walked in again. With the wrong files. Again.

“Hey Roger, how about you get Miss Perrin a sandwich?” Mrs Wheeler said grabbing the files from Roger and ushering him out. She shut the door behind him.

“Even he can’t mess this one up,” she said.

“But you didn’t even tell him what kind of sandwich to get,” I argued.

“Baby steps my dear Riley. Baby steps.”

***

2 hours later…

“Maybe all the shops ran out of sandwiches,” Mrs Wheeler said.

“Yeah because that ever happens,” I sc0ffed, “Even if by some crazy chance it did happen, he could make one himself. I mean how hard would it be to grab a slice of bread, put peanut butter on it and slap another piece of bread on top.”

A slowly rising buzz of voices outside my office caught my attention and I craned my neck to see through the foot long glass window facing the passage way. A lot of people were leaving their offices and pointing at something.

“What’s going on?” Mrs Wheeler asked.

I shrugged. “Probably Parker got caught photocopying his face again.”

Mrs Wheeler sighed reminiscently. “I remember when Ray and I used to photocopy our…”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence or my stomach will introduce you to my breakfast,” I shuddered.

Mrs Wheeler laughed. “Oh ye of fickle hearts.”

The door opened and Roger walked in with a big smile on his face.

“Uhh hie?” I said uncertainly.

“I’ve got what you asked for. Took a while to get an authentic one but I finally found one,” he declared proudly.

I stared at him. An authentic sandwich? Well now I’ve heard of everything.

“See I told you he could do it!” Mrs Wheeler exclaimed clapping her hands together. She turned to Roger. “So where’s the sandwich?”

Roger poked his head out of the door and led a….woman in?

Huh?

She was dressed in a full length billowy skirt that was light brown in color and a hoodie of the same color. Toes painted brown peeked from under the hem of the skirt. She was barefoot and trekking a truckload of sand. I was so going to get fired for this.

“Uhhm, Roger who is this?” I asked. Mrs Wheeler had her head cocked to one side eyeing the young woman.

“Rowena. The best Sand Witch in the state,” he replied. My mouth dropped open and Mrs Wheeler’s eyes widened in wonder.

“See at first I was confused why on earth you would want a Sand Witch at work but then she told me her name was Rowena and I made the connection. You asked for the Rowena file earlier and I figured she’s the client and you wanted to talk to her about the case,” Roger rambled on. It all went over my head.

Oh.My.Gosh. My assistant is a nutcase. And he is definitely fired.

“Okay Roger. I don’t think I can take anymore of this. I’m sorry but I have to let you go,” I said firmly.

“Wh-what? Why? I did everything you asked me to do. You can’t fire me!” he said, confusion marring his bespectacled face.

“No. No you did not. I asked for a latte, you brought me coffee. I asked for the Kaspena files, you brought me the Jameson files instead. Mrs Wheeler sent you for a sandwich and you brought back some barefooted weirdo with a really pretty skirt. Seriously, where did you get it, I absolutely must have it,” I turned to the acclaimed sand witch but she just shrugged and eyed me warily.

“Even weirdos are afraid of you,” Mrs Wheeler quipped and I shot her a cutting glare.

“So you were saying Miss Perrin?” Roger said tentatively.

“You are fired! F-I-R-E-D!” I practically screamed at him.  The timid look disappeared and anger flashed across his face.

“Well I’ve never been so insulted in my whole life! I get you exactly what you want and you repay me by firing me. Rowena show her what you do to ungrateful people,” he said.

Rowena raised her arms and started doing some weird chant. I watched her with narrowed eyes wondering what exactly she would do. Maybe throw some sad in our faces or something.

“This is a mega waste of my time. I want both of you to…” the flickering of the lights halted me mid-sentence and I watched in horror as a whirlwind began to stir from the ends of Rowena’s fingers.

What the…?

“Take her O Mighty sandwich. I mean Sand-Witch. She’s the one who fired Roger. I’m too young and pretty to die!” Mrs Wheeler exclaimed as she ran and crouched behind my desk. I was about to squeal and join her behind the desk when the door flew open.

“Having a party without us Rowena?” a tall, muscly man with short brown hair and a chiseled jaw said from the door. He was carrying a long, weird looking gun and wearing jeans and a brown leather jacket with the collar turned up. As I gaped at him he glanced over at me and winked then turned his hazel eyes back on Rowena.

Dean Winchester? Oh my…

“You’re coming with us. Either you come quietly or we do this the hard way,” a taller guy wearing jeans and a hoodie said standing next to Dean. A lock of his longish brown hair fell over his eye as he stood pointing a gun at Rowena.

Sam Winchester.

The Winchester Brothers.

In my office.

With a Sand Witch.

Alrightie then.

Rowena turned her whirlwind-forming fingers to the brothers and blasted something resembling a ball of sand in their faces but Sam fired a shot at it and it disintegrated and fell into a pile on the floor.

“You probably shouldn’t have done that, because it pissed me off. You know what I do when I’m pissed off Rowena? I blow shit up,” Dean said and he pulled the trigger on his gun releasing an orange bubble that floated towards Rowena and encased her within it. She pounded her fists against the walls of her prison but it only stretched out on impact, like jello. Roger stood frozen staring at the Winchesters.

“You alright Miss?” Dean asked me. I blinked at him, too shocked to say anything.

“Yes! Thank you so much for saving me from that horrible, horrible woman,” Mrs Wheeler gushed pushing past me and rushing over to latch onto Dean’s arm.

“Uhh…You’re welcome,” Dean shifted uncomfortably trying, and failing, to get out of her grasp.

“We should be going now. I’m glad you’re all okay,” Dean said finally managing to get away from Mrs Wheeler’s clutches.

“Not before I take that,” another voice said from behind me. I turned towards the source of the sound and nearly jumped out of my skin. A…man? If I can call him that, was perched on the corner of my desk wearing a coat that looked like it was made out of a crocodile skin and his skin was wrinkly and scaly, strongly resembling a snake. His teeth looked rotten and his hair clung to his head, falling in greasy waves that made the whole thing look like a wet mop. He clicked his fingers and Rowena disappeared.

“Thanks for catching her for me dearies!” he said with a lopsided smile and with a flourish of his fingers, he was gone too.

“Rumplestiltskin! Damnit!” Dean yelled kicking the desk.

Rowena. Sam. Dean. Winchester. Rumplestiltskin. It all flew around my head.

Then everything went black.

***

Hahahaha Crosssoverrrrrrrrrr! I love, love, loooooove these three shows; Baby Daddy, Supernatural and Once upon a time and  I couldn’t resist throwing in a few of my favorite characters from each series together in one place in what I present to you as my first ever FANFICTION!!! (And the crowd goes wild! Ahahaha, no it atually doesn’t but yeah whatever).

Criminy! I have no idea why I just wrote this haha. I am probably going to regret posting this in the morning (no scratch that, I’m definitely going to regret posting this in the morning). This is one of those times when the Insomnia drives me mental and I end up writing something absolutely ridiculous.

If you read up to this point, thanks for putting up with it right till the end and…No, no, no, No chick flick moments.

chick.gif

. If not…well you won’t even see this message haha. I promise I’m not usually this crazy (well most of the times, actually sometimes, like 5% of the time ahahahaha).

Okay. I should probably stop right here before I say anything else that’s absolutely…Stop, just stop.

This is my #Fanfiction genre post for my #SelfChallenge. Until next time, dearies!

 dearie.gif

Seriously, now I’m done……………………………………………………………………………

Or am I? Mwahahaha………………………………………………………………………………

No, really I’m done now.

Bye!

Oh yeah, I forgot to put a disclaimer haha:

I do not own the series Baby Daddy, Once upon a time or Supernatural or the characters mentioned here. All rights go to the respective creators, writers and producers of the shows.

Now I’m really done.

 

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