Je suis Jackiee (Part I)

My mum is overbearing and impossible to be around. She has practically NO social life, online or otherwise!!! Not only is she boring, her dress sense is a crime unto fashion. She gives the term fashion killer a whole new meaning. Like what is up with the mid 50‟s petticoat like dresses and the 80‟s hairdo??!!Oh and don‟t get me started on her terrible puns. It‟s like she actually took a course called Telling bad puns 101 in college or something. I just wish I had a cool mum.

I couldn’t read any further, it was too excruciating. Those few heartbreaking lines were only a small fraction of the endless paragraphs that my eldest daughter, Viola had written on her blog, which I was shamelessly reading without her permission. Okay, before you get all judgey-eyed at me, I’m a mum, mums’ do these kinds of things and besides, she left it displayed on the screen for all to see on her laptop which, ahem, had been off and was password protected and in her room which had been locked. Okay, maybe she didn’t leave it exposed but I just had to make sure there weren’t any funny things on her laptop, you know like suicide notes or even worse terrorist threats to national security (kids these days, they can do anything).

All I had found was her blog and the most recent entry was titled Mum. I thought it was some dedication to express her never-ending love and gratitude for being blessed with a wonderful mum like me. Suffice it to say, it was far, far from it. I held my head in my hands and sighed. Where had I gone wrong? Viola (or Vy, as she prefers these days) used to love spending time with me and never minded what I wore or how I looked but now she doesn’t even spend five minutes in a room with me and the few times she spoke to me she was complaining about something or telling me off for something I did. I have to fix this somehow. I have to win my daughter back. And just like that, I had an epiphany! I left Viola’s room walking with a purpose. I knew just what I had to do to win over my daughter. I was going to be a cool mum. I was going to be so cool, she would have to heat me up just so I don’t freeze the room over! (See! That pun wasn’t bad at all, quite inspired actually if I do say so myself).

First thing’s first, my online life was a definite fixer-upper. I had five facebook friends and zero twitter followers (although in all fairness, I wasn’t following anyone on twitter either). I drummed my fingers on the table watching the cursor blink trying to think of a quick way to make friends on facebook, then it hit me (man this was a fast day for epiphany’s huh). I searched for Viola’s page and opened her list of friends then I sent all 587 of them friend requests and of course a little private message in their inboxes saying, “Dear (insert name of person here). I would like to be your facebook buddy. Please accept my friend request. Lots of love, Cassandra‟s mum. Smiley face.” Now that facebook was dealt with, I had to start my own blog.

Setting it up was easy-peasy (thanks to google), now for a name. I tried a couple but they weren’t as catchy as my daughter’s, “I am deVyn.” There weren’t a lot of options to go with

Jacqueline though so this was not an easy feat. After about an hour, inspiration struck (finally!) and with my title in place, I began to write my first entry:

I am mother of the deVyn

So this is my first day as a blogger! Super excited!

Annnnnd I‟ve just run out of things to blog soooo I‟m gonna sign off now.

Peace.

I paused after I typed the word peace.

“Honey, do kids still say peace?” I asked my husband who was reading the newspaper on the couch.

“I’m sure they still learn about the world war honey so they’re bound to say peace once in a while,” Carl said.

And Viola thought my knowledge of social ethics was terrible. I decided to leave my blog entry as it was and started on supper, giggling in excitement to myself as I thought how excited and proud Viola would be when she saw my blog. Two hours later, Viola stormed into the house, red-faced with anger.

“Why do you look like that red emoticon for anger?” I asked jokingly.

“Oh so you discovered emoticons too whilst you were stalking my facebook friends? What the hell mum?” Viola yelled at me.

“I was just being sociable,” I said busying myself with setting the table and ignoring the furious glare she was sending my way.

“Right, because you’re so sociable,” Viola said sarcastically.

“Watch your tone young lady. I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal of this anyway. There’s nothing wrong with making new friends on Facebook,” I said going to the kitchen to get the food. Viola was hot on my heels.

“There is if those new friends are mine,” Viola wailed, ” What will you even chat about with people who are like half your age?”

“Oh, you know, the weather, news, the best contraceptive methods, perils of teenage pregnancies and aborting said pregnancies,” I said casually.

“What?!” Viola yelled horrified.

“Why are you so shocked? So many teenage girls are getting pregnant these days! I would be doing them all a huge favor, advising them about how to prevent pregnancy and in the case that they are already pregnant, what to do to prepare for the baby, the best shops for baby clothes and even some websites that sell breast milk,” I said clearing up the kitchen.

“What?” Viola said weakly.

“Boob milk, you can buy it online,” I said. “Goodness knows why you would want to buy something that came from a stranger’s…..”

“Don’t you dare finish that sense or I am going to throw up all over this kitchen,” Viola said, her face scrunched up in disgust.

“Fine. Supper’s ready. Grab the milk from the fridge, doctor said you still need it to clean out your stomach,” I said going to the dining room.

“I’ve lost all appetite for milk,” Viola murmured following me.

“Oh before you sit, you really have to see this!” I said excitedly dragging her to the computer that was in the lounge where I had been blogging from.

“What now?” Viola grumbled.

“Ta da!” I yelled as I revealed my blog. “Is this cool or what?”

Viola stood dumbfounded staring at the screen obviously so thrilled she was at a loss of words. Ha, I wish.

“Mum what is this?” she asked calmly. The kind of calm that comes before a storm.

“It’s my blog honey. You like it?” I said beaming from ear to ear.

“Like it?” she asked in disbelief.

“What do you think of the name? I figured since yours says “I am deVyn‟ and I’m your mother, mine could just be “I am mother of the deVyn.‟ Quite inspired right?” I said proudly.

“How do you know what my blog is called?” Viola asked.

Oops, busted.

“I kind of, maybe, sort of read your blog,” I winced.

“You did what?!” Viola exploded. “How could you read that, that is my private stuff. How did you even know the password to my laptop? You know what, don’t even bother answering that. I want you to de-friend all my friends on facebook and take down this stupid blog! You couldn’t even come up with a good title for it so you just went ahead and stole mine!”

“I didn’t exactly steal yours, I edited it so they are a bit different,” I argued.

“That’s not editing, that’s trashing! Thanks mum for ruining my life, yet again,” Viola shouted then she stormed off up the stairs and to her room.

“Has the storm passed?” Carl asked as he came downstairs for supper. Carl didn’t like conflict and avoided being in the same room with us whenever Viola and I were fighting.

“Yeah, yeah. Come eat your food” I said sadly. I sat down at the desk and opened my facebook page. Viola was right, not only had I read her private blog, I had invaded her privacy by trying to force my way into her life through her friends via a social website. I just thought if her cool friends would accept me, then my daughter would accept me too. All 587 of Viola’s friends had accepted my friend request and some had even texted me back. I didn’t have the heart to unfriend them, it would be so rude after all, so I decided to keep the friends for a week. One thing I could fix though was my blog so I opened the page. I debated whether or not to just delete it and forget about it for almost half an hour. Carl came up behind me and hugged me.

“Did you know that there are tonnes of mummy bloggers?” said Carl.

“Really?” I asked unenthusiastically.

“Yes, really. Just keep your blog for a while and look around for other mummy bloggers online. You could share tips and exchange advice on how to raise a ranting teenager and all. And the blog will be a way for you to let off steam and get a fresh perspective from other mothers on things concerning how to handle situations with teenagers. Mothers will know best because they’ve experienced it,” said Carl.

“I don’t even know what to call it,” I sulked. “I can’t even think of something as cool as Viola’s.”

“Stop worrying about being cool and just be yourself. You are amazing as you are,” Carl said kissing me on the cheek before he went to sit in front of the telly and watch the news.

“Tell that to our daughter,” I sighed. Be myself, be myself, be myself. I don’t think I even know who that is anymore. Oh well, let’s give this a shot.

Calling all mummy bloggers….

Hie. I am Jacqueline Rogers, mother of a beautiful 17 year old girl named Viola. I‟m a first time blogger and absolutely out of my depth. I had never thought to venture into blogging until today when I (as ashamed as I am to say it) went snooping through my daughter‟s laptop and bumped into her blog where she had written some rather negative things about me. I wasn‟t angry at her, just sad that I had lost my daughter and that she doesn’t think I’m cool enough to be her mum. So I set off an a venture that I thought was harmless but Viola found offending and I friended her Facebook friends (the whole 587) and then I started this blog and gave it a title similar to hers but with what I thought was a twist. The title of her blog is I am deVyn, (the Vy comes from her name Viola and everything else, well you get where it comes from). All in all it was a good title so I thought I would steal her title and spice it up and I titled mine I am mother of the deVyn (talk about corny!)

Obviously Vy was angry and demanded I take down the blog. My attempt at being cool enough for my daughter had failed miserably and I was ready to throw in the towel but my husband Carl, convinced me not to give up just yet  and that I should be myself so I changed the blog name to “I am Jackiee” only I wrote it in french because, well lets face it, “Je suis Jackiee” sounds a whole lot cooler and coolness is the endgame to this whole thing so, there you have it.

So I’m going to take it one day at a time and hopefully before too many days pass, my daughter will love me like she once did before (darned mother nature, why couldn’t she just stay my little baby girl for a little longer).

I sat back and re-read what I had written and feeling pleased with myself I clicked post and changed my settings to Public. I wanted people to be able to see it so that anyone having the same problem as me would find courage in knowing that they were not alone. I switched off the computer and went up to bed. I passed by Viola’s door on my way to my bedroom and stood there staring at the door (which, if I wasn’t her mum would have looked really stalkerish).

“I’ll get you back my darling. I promise,” I whispered then went on to bed.

***

It’s been a while lool. So this is something I worked on a while back for the Humor genre. I have two parts of the story but I thought if I posted the whole thing it might get really boring so I just posted part one. Part two is up now and you can find it here or you can read it on my wattpad profile @fatfacetricia.

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